When you are the one putting all the effort into a conversation, something is wrong.
The Argentinian Crypto Bro
I recently met a guy from Argentina doing a graduate degree in Montreal. We never met in person and only chatted in text. I asked him how he found the money to pay the hefty international tuition. He told me that he rode the crypto wave over the pandemic and 10x his investments.
Then, I called him a “crypto trader” half jokingly.
He took immense offense at these two words. He said he is clearly different from the millennial assholes on the internet telling people to get rich with crypto. He sounded like rich people who hate being called rich.
I respected his sensibilities and moved on to other topics. We started talking about politics. Then the conversation turned into just making fun of me.
Being so open-minded, I did not took offense. I did not plead him to stop like he did when I said “crypto trader”. The rest of the conversation was just him trying to find something to hit me with. He was constantly on the offensive.
A one-sided conversation is parasocial
I left the conversation after a while. In retrospect, I felt more like I was reading comments under my social media status. It was quasi parasocial.
Parasocial relationships are more often seen in the relationship of celebrities and their fans. The celebrity is expending effort to perform in front of a bunch of strangers, yet the strangers feel like they know the celebrity on a personal level. It is unequal by nature.
One-sided conversations are parasocial. One side is disproportionately putting up effort to sustain the conversation. That includes putting oneself in a possibly embarrassing position by sharing personal views. The other side quickly snatches these vulnerable openings for their own selfish ego boost.
I felt like I was getting consumed by the Argentinian crypto bro in that conversation. I was the one putting up with the entertainment while he happily enjoyed the show.
Avoid at all cost
Unlike a performer whose job is to do this for money, there is no point in putting up with one-sided conversations in everyday life. I recommend everyone to assert their respect in conversations. If the person you are talking to doesn’t want to put up any effort, you should bail.
